salaryman | (no subject)

Whether or not you recognize it is hardly the issue.

[ It is then that Nanami wonders if he has the capability of exorcising the curse that is on Fai. He is willing to admit that it is something out of his capabilities, as well. The curse did not originate in his world, and may not be something he can handle, but -- ]

Don't say that. While alive we cannot create curses, we are capable of it at the moment of our deaths.

[ But he returns to his original thought. ]

Then, I shall ensure that you will not want to be cursed by me ... by attempting to exorcise the curse that you are under.

[ Fai shakes his head, his mind immediately going back to when he was cursed. What would Fei Wang Reed do if he found out someone exorcised that curse? He would probably curse Nanami tenfold, if not outright kill him. ]

No. Don't try. Please.

[ He exhales, belatedly realizing that it comes out a little shaky. He hates talking about it, but he should probably tell Nanami why he doesn't want that. ]

I should have told you since we're living together, but I'm a magician. Or a mage or sorcerer... whatever they're called in your world. [ He looks away, down at the floor. ] I'm cursed to kill the first person I come across that's more powerful than me.

[ And he has no idea if that curse even works here, or if it applies to anyone in this world at all. ]

The only way to end it is for it to be activated.

Edited 2021-05-02 01:45 (UTC)

[ He opens his mouth like he might protest but the manner in which Fai speaks stops him. His shoulders drop just slightly before he straightens his posture; his lips press into a thin, worried line. ]

If you did not feel comfortable telling me these things, it is nothing to feel sorry or guilty for, Mister Fai. [ Nanami feels like saying that to him, and letting him know that he holds not ill will about it.

But he pauses at hearing what he's been cursed with. How cruel. Isn't that cursing a person to die in such a roundabout and terrible manner? He wants to ask why he was cursed like this, but can only assume the individual is simply an evil person.

There are those that have deep and complex reasons for doing things, he can admit that much, and there are those he doesn't care to understand or sympathize with regardless of their reasons.

Because he, too, can be cruel when he wishes to be. ]

I see. [ He hesitates for a moment before reaching out to place his hand on Fai's shoulder, gripping it lightly. A sigh slips past his lips -- a wave of frustration can be felt in his emotions -- before he pulls him forward into a quick embrace.

Sympathy for his plight, reluctant resignation in accepting Fai will care for him as he already decides to care for the mage, and a burning fury for the person that cursed him -- all these emotions felt as he holds him. ]

[ He looks at Nanami properly, surprised to hear that he doesn't care that Fai kept something like that from him. His immediate reaction is to ask him if that's really okay, if he should be hiding the fact that he's potentially dangerous. Somehow, though, he thinks Nanami would still insist that he shouldn't feel guilty or apologetic about it.

That hand on his shoulder makes him smile a little, and he's about to tell Nanami that he doesn't need to comfort him, but then he pulls Fai into a hug. Immediately, his eyes widen and those emotions—sympathy, resignation, and fury—are practically radiating from Nanami through their bond. It's almost overwhelming, and without even realizing it, Fai's arms wrap around Nanami in return, tight and almost desperate.

He... didn't realize how badly he needed a hug, and it's all hitting him now. Maybe it was meant to be quick, but Fai doesn't want to let go just yet. ]

[ Nanami is a person that does not hug people easily; he keeps to his own space and people respect the boundaries that he sets for himself. But he cannot listen to Fai's situation, to all the implications of what the curse he has been given means, and not respond in some way.

His hold tightens around him, and he dips his head down to rest it softly against the man's head. He isn't able to get his feelings to settle -- they remain the same blend of emotions, but there is a sense of relief that Fai is willing to let himself be comforted. ]

It may be too simplistic and cruel for me to say, but... you did not do anything wrong. [ Yes. It is too easy and too brutal a statement for him to make; he's someone uninvolved and does not know the full story. But still, he did admit to himself that he can be cruel at times. ]

I... You would probably change your mind if you knew.

[ Fai's own emotions are mixed up too—a cocktail of frustration with himself, grief, and sadness that Nanami can probably feel.

Fai squeezes him tighter, burying his face in Nanami's neck. ]

But... I want to believe what you said for now.

[ The truth is, no one has ever said that to him before. It's a relief to hear, even if he's sure Nanami would change his mind. ]

[ Nanami sees no reason to lie and say that he would not change his mind if he knew the truth. It may be that whatever truly happened may be Fai's fault in some way, but he goes over what was shared before -- and he refuses to believe that he will change his mind.

Even if it is an inconvenient truth, he does not desire to damn one person who has already been dragged down so far. He also sees no reason to do that, and Fai is someone who still reaches out to help and care for others.

And so he can firmly say: ]

I won't. I will not change my mind.

[ He knows there's no point in refuting what Nanami says, because he'll just reiterate that his mind won't change, so Fai stays quiet. His hold on Nanami momentarily tightens before loosening as Fai practically slumps against him. ]

...Thank you.

[ It's quiet, just barely loud enough for Nanami to hear. ]

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear something like that.

[ He laughs softly, mildly surprised that he admitted that. Then again, Nanami knows a lot more about him know, so there's no reason to hide these things. ]

You're welcome.

[ He does want to argue about being thanked; he doesn't believe what he has said deserves it. In truth, it is something that Fai should have heard from others long ago. It should have been heard as soon as he was cursed in the first place.

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

His arms tighten around him yet again before relaxing. The anger he feels flares just a little bit more before it settles. Not much shows on his face, but that's fine; the two of them are this close and so he does not need to hide his emotions. ]

I shall say them whenever you are feeling like you are unworthy of them. [ A beat. ] So you don't forget the truth of what I said.

[ There are many truths in the world; this is the truth that he decides to live in, and would like Fai to live in it, as well. ]

[ He smiles softly to himself, even as he feels that flash of anger. It's probably at whoever cursed him, isn't it? Fai bites back a comment that being angry on his behalf isn't worth it. ]

I'll try not to.

[ Fai can't promise that he'll view Nanami's words as truth, but he can promise to try. That's all he can do.

He steps away once Nanami's hold on him relaxes. It seems like he's going to fully disengage for a moment before Fai pulls on Nanami's collar to bring him closer again. His grip isn't strong and one that Nanami could easily wrangle himself out of, but Fai would like to think he wouldn't. Since Nanami is an inch or two taller, he tugs on it a little to bring him down so he can give him a kiss on the cheek.

It's another thanks—more affectionate than the previous one and one Nanami doesn't have to hear uttered. ]

[ He lets his arms start to drop away until Fai pulls him down. It isn't necessarily insisting as it is just asking. Nanami doesn't pull himself back but lets himself be brought down closer to his level. There is mild curiosity felt in their connection -- What are you doing?

His eyebrows lift at the soft kiss on his cheek. He feels the thanks that is given, and there is resigned gratitude for being thanked. Though, he would say that there is nothing that he needs to be thanked for. Still, he tells himself yet again that there are times when he need not be so much himself.

Nanami lets out a small sigh as he rests his hands on either side of Fai's face and sets his forehead lightly against the mage's. It's all right. I'll be at and on your side for as long as I am here. ]

[ He feels safe.

It's a strange feeling, and he can't remember the last time he felt it. It's... surprisingly nice. One of his hands goes up to rest over Nanami's as he lets out a small sigh, letting himself bask in this feeling.

But, he also finds his gaze drifting to Nanami's lips, and the grip he still has on his collar tightens a little. ]

Hey, Nana-pon. Can I...?

[ He feels like he doesn't necessarily need to finish the rest of that question, but his heart still beats at the thought of it despite himself. ]

[ Nanami thinks that it might be wise to tell him "no." His own desire to not be perceived or worried about comes up, again, but he also feels how Fai does. This quiet moment does make him feel safe and comfortable, as well.

It is one that comes from being able to protect someone's heart even a little. ]

It's fine.

[ His voice involuntarily softens as he answers him. ]

[ It probably would be a good idea not to do this, but then again, Fai doesn't avoid things because they're a bad idea.

So, he shifts just a little so he can press his lips against Nanami's. It's a soft kiss, and Fai keeps it chaste, wanting to gauge Nanami's reaction before he does anything more. Despite that, however, a simple kiss like this feels intense.

Sharing a stronger bond with someone really does make a difference, and Fai is feeling that right now. ]

[ The soft, chaste kiss feels like another thank you and also something more. If he knew how Fai felt, he would agree that it felt more intense than one would think it should.

His hands are already on his face so he can tilt his head a little so that he can deepen the kiss. Is it wise to do so? Is it selfish? Nanami believes that it is not the wisest or kindest act that he could do, but --

-- the feelings are one of appreciation, of care, of honest affection that he has for Fai, and he wants to make certain that he feels them. ]

[ He sighs into the kiss when Nanami deepens it, his fingers tightening their grip on the fabric of his shirt. Hopefully he doesn't wrinkle it...

But that small worry escapes him when he feels that affection and care coming from Nanami. It almost overwhelms him, and the temptation to back away is there, but Fai finds himself pressing closer instead, slightly parting his lips as an invitation for Nanami to further deepen the kiss.

At the same time, there's a surge of affection from Fai, hesitant at first, like he's not sure he's allowed to feel emotions like that before it grows strong and sure. ]

[ There is worry, of course, that he feels from those emotions, because he does not think that he's a person worthy of receiving them. He's someone who would die for others, because he prioritizes the lives of others over his own; in many ways, he considers that not fair to Fai.

It is why Nanami stills just for a second -- concern for Fai, for his heart, for his affection that he feels for him. The silent feeling that he does not believe he should be the person to receive them.

But the hesitation only lasts for a few seconds. It is enough for the mage to feel, to know that Nanami appreciates those feelings, but also let him know that he's not the person that can truly save him. At least, that's what he thinks. ]

[ If Nanami can't really, truly save him... then that's okay with Fai. After all, he doesn't think he can be saved, and he wouldn't put that sort of burden on Nanami anyway. He wonders if maybe they aren't being fair to each other... but how would they solve that?

Fai doesn't know, and he doesn't know if he wants to really think about it either. After all, he'd much rather think about how nice Nanami's lips feel against his. His palm flattens out against Nanami's chest, letting go of the fabric and resting there instead while his other hand moves so Fai can run his fingers through Nanami's short hair.

There's another, smaller surge of affection. This is nice—despite the hesitance on both of their ends, Fai still feels safe. ]

[ Honestly, Nanami isn't completely made of stone.

He merely always says that he doesn't like having his emotions dictate what he should be doing. But when faced with feeling those small surges of affection, with how safe Fai feels in this moment, he can't help but soften a little of his resolve and worries.

It helps that his thinking quiets for a little bit when Fai runs his fingers through his hair. As said before, he isn't completely immune to others, to emotions, to being touched. So, he does kiss him deeper; he tilts his head as he turns his so that it is easier to do so.

Nanami hesitates for a second before opening his mouth. ]

[ That hesitation doesn't go unnoticed, so Fai is careful as he slides his tongue past Nanami's lips. He wonders if Nanami tastes like the coffee and cake they just ate, or something entirely different, before his tongue slides against his.

Fai's fingers tighten just a little in Nanami's hair, but enough to be noticeable. He wants more already and that is probably something Nanami can feel too, but there's no rush in his actions, both because of that hesitance he felt earlier and the fact that just this is fine for now too.

Maybe he should be a little more worried about what things will be like after this, but for now, Fai will just enjoy it. ]

[ He does taste a bit of the coffee, of the cake, but also just Fai himself.

The two of them accept the weaknesses of the other. They accept them, but they don't condone them. He thinks both of them want to find a way to save the other person from themselves.

Those are the sort of feelings that swirl inside of him, anyway; it is what he feels as he gently strokes the side of Fai's face, as he draws his hand back to tangle his fingers a little in the man's hair to mirror what he's doing to his own.

Nanami thinks it's the sort of talk, of agreement, that they wouldn't be able to have in words without arguing. ]

[ He sighs into the kiss when he feels Nanami's fingers in his hair. It feels nice.

It also feels nice to understand Nanami's feelings a little better... Who would have thought he would achieve that through kissing him?

Maybe the problem is that neither of them can be saved, or at least they can't save each other. Fai isn't so sure what it is.

Still... maybe they can help one another. Just because they can't be saved doesn't mean they can't at least lift one another up. Those thoughts swirl through Fai's head as he pulls a little on Nanami's shirt, backing up until he bumps up against the counter and can more easily pull Nanami flush against him. ]

[ He takes the few steps to follow after Fai until they both are stopped. He pulls away for a second, panting softly. Nanami just needs a bit of air -- but he is soon bringing their mouths back together.

If they start talking, he isn't certain what will be said next. Perhaps, that is a little cowardly, but if they say anything more, they'll also end up hurting one another, too.

The idea that they could help one another rather than save the other; he wonders if that is possible.

The hand on Fai's face drops to wrap tight around the mage's waist, to pull him close to him; his heart hurts for him. He hates having his sympathetic self be so readily perceived, but he thinks it would be wrong not to show him this side, too. ]

[ Fai's fingers tighten in Nanami's hair when he's pulled close like that, enjoying the closeness. Usually, this isn't something he would do with someone he lives with—it's a bad idea. It's easier to sleep with people who don't know anything about him, who don't know that he's a little (or a lot) broken.

However... that's unavoidable in this world. In a world that thrives on connections, it's inevitable that Fai will grow close to people. So, he isn't as afraid to keep kissing Nanami despite the fact that they might be too close for this.

Besides, if this turns out to be a bad decision, he'll deal with it.

So for now, he breaks the kiss so he can start pressing soft kisses down along Nanami's jaw and towards his neck. It's a show of both appreciation and how much he wants more of this. ]

[ His fingers flinch against Fai's body as he comes a little to his senses. It is feeling those small, little kisses against his jaw and the emotions that are tied with them.

A worry burns in his stomach and he finally has to say something. He lifts his hands to rest on either side of Fai's face against, stopping him so that he can look him properly in the eyes.

Nanami believes whatever he is going to say next would sound much better if he wasn't breathing so heavily, and with their bodies flush against one another, his emotions are laid raw -- he does want more of this, as well. But he is someone who always wants to be sincere to the person he is with, regardless of what it may be. ]

It is not my desire to add more troubles to you. That is why I will have to ask the impossible... if something should happen, if things grow sour... you will blame me for it.

[ Because he feels that Fai has spent too long blaming himself for things that are not his fault, and things that are. His expression breaks a little before he rests his forehead against Fai's again. ]

I rarely take responsibility for things that are shared blame, so appreciate the privilege I am giving you. [ He thinks if he puts it like that, puts it like a joke, even though his voice is soft and quiet that his wish will be accepted. ]

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slaps an nsfw warning here

NSFW! slap slap

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